Life Break Coach- Midlife Crisis Ultimate Solution

Could a year of traveling save my sanity?

Greg made me lose my original train of thought after nixing my Eat, Love, Pray reenactment, but the seed of the idea took hold in my mind and I began watering it carefully and bringing it out for a little sun now and then.  I capitulated my fantasy of following Elizabeth Gilbert’s exact steps.  We didn’t have to travel to Italy, India and Indonesia to change our lives; nevertheless, the more I thought about it, the more strongly I felt that something drastic must happen. Just taking the kids out of activities couldn’t turn around our lives. 

I searched phrases like “taking a break”, “getting away”, and “life break” online.  My first two searches resulted in 50 ways to leave your lover and 101 ways get away with murder- no help, but I bookmarked those for future reference.  When I searched life break, I struck gold.  I discovered there were other people who wanted to take a break from life; so much so, there was a link to an actual life break coach.  I thought, “You have got to be kidding me! Who needs a life break coach when you have girlfriends and martinis?”  So I decided to run my brainstorm by my friends.

     While Greg taught a night class, I threw mac and cheese at the kids, slung some applesauce their way to include the fruit group and got everyone to shower, finish homework and prepare book bags and lunches for the next day.  All accomplished by 8:15!  Wearing a supermom glow that resembled a sweaty sheen, I was shaking the martinis as Bridget and Jane arrived.  Anxious to share my ideas, I tossed back a pink drink and launched into my plan.

     “Greg and I want to take a family sabbatical.” Of course, Greg didn’t know it yet.  I used “sabbatical” as a nice term for “quitting” our jobs- it sounded better to me and was part of the psychological game I played to convince myself I wasn’t a complete slacker.

     “What’s a family sabbatical?” asked Bridget as she sipped her cocktail.

Would you travel with these kids?

     I gave my rehearsed answer in one breath.  “Basically, we quit our jobs, rent our home and road school our kids while traveling the highways and byways of the great USA and abroad for one year.”

     They laughed.  Maybe I did need a life coach. 

      “What?  That’s insane," Bridget managed to say between giggles.  "Drop everything and see the world?”

     “That would be nuts," interrupted Jane.  "Not work? Not send the kids to school?  Not participate in a thousand activities, committees, or sports?” She finished her drink in one gulp. 

     I realized they weren’t taking me seriously. Looking each one in the eye, I said, “I’m dead serious.”

     “Holy cow, you are," said Jane.  “Take me with you!"

     “Lord! Me, too.”

     “So you don’t think I’m crazy?”

     “People may call the doctors and carry you to Milledgeville faster than your head can hit a pillow, but personally, I think it’s the sanest thing I’ve heard in a long time!” said Bridget.  The martinis were kicking in.

     Fueled with my friends’ approval, I expounded on my rationalized plans for our one-year off the grid. "We could rent out our house- furnished, of course.”

“You would leave all your stuff?” said Bridget.

“Who would rent this big house- furnished?” asked Jane.

“There must be some business people that will only be in town temporarily,” I said.  “Or a family relocating, but don’t know where they want to buy yet.  Our house would be perfect for them.  We have our retirement savings, but if we rent the house it will help cover the loss of my paycheck which goes to the home’s mortgage and utilities anyway."

     “Jenny, you’ve obviously thought this through, but can you really afford to take a year off from work?  Would they hold your job for you?”

     “This has been my obsession for months.  Public Ed teachers sign an annual contract so there’s no guaranteeing my job.  If I don’t sign next year’s contract, they won’t hold my position.  But you know what? I’m okay with that.  I desperately want to change careers. Sitting in the faculty meeting last week, I looked around at the dead stares on most of the faces.  They looked like prison inmates- all serving out their thirty years.”

“I know,” said Bridget.  “I’m one of the inmates. Only eight years to go.”

“I’m only at the halfway point! I have fifteen more years till retirement,” I said.  “I don’t want to spend that time constantly doing the math: ten years and twenty-six days till I can retire- if I use sick leave days- only nine years and forty-eight days to go... I love the kids, but I am sick of the government mandates and being treated like a sheep in a herd rather than a responsible professional.” 

“I am sick of teaching to the almighty test,” said Bridget.

“Me, too,” I said.  “The prospect of another fifteen years of this motivated me to write up my Interest Projects curriculum and try to get it published. I never imagined I’d actually get an offer. It felt so good to finally follow through with something. Since I signed the contract for my resource book last month,” I held my glass high in the air for a toast. “I believe in dreams again.”

We all gave a little “Whoop!” 

I continued, “I’ve always fantasized about writing for a living. If we take a family sabbatical, I could use the time off to finish writing and editing the book, and then, hopefully, write more.”

     “But you said you wouldn’t see a penny of royalty money for two years.  Can you still afford to quit?” Ever practical, Jane always grounded me.

     I shrugged. “I could sell my car to help with travel expenses.  We’d only need one car anyway, if we were all traveling together.  Our two rental houses are leased so we’ll have some income.  We’ve always wanted to spend more time at the Fripp Island rental home; it really needs fixing up, so we could stay there when it’s not rented and work on the house in-between trips. The kids can help with the renovations and are the perfect ages for home school and travel- old enough to remember everywhere we go, but young enough to not need to be surgically separated from their friends.  Plus, I’ve always wondered what home schooling would be like.”

     “School at the beach would be a dream!” said Bridget.  “You’ve got a plan; I say go for it.”

     “Greg’s mother died when she was only forty-five years old.  I turn forty-four next month. The older I get the younger she gets.  Emily worked hard all her life, but never lived to enjoy one day of retirement.  If this is going to be the last year of my life, I want it to mean something.  Even if it’s not my last year- which I sincerely hope- I am running out of time to change my life.”   

“Grandma Moses started painting in her eighties,” said Jane. 

I smiled. “True. But let’s be real… I’m no Grandma Moses.” I paused to take a breath and another sip.  “I don’t know what it is, but I just can’t shake this feeling of: it’s now or never.”

    “I would toast to that, but I’m out of drink.” Bridget waggled her empty glass at me.  We enjoyed another round or three- honestly, I was so drunk on their approval, I stopped counting.  With a green light from my friends, I was ready to unveil the final plan to my husband.

Greatest Husband Ever!

     I expected a long list of arguments against the possibility of our taking a family sabbatical and it taking months to win him over, but Greg loved the idea. Since our discussion, he had been thinking of chucking it all, too.  After hours of talking, Greg summed up our stream of rationalizations with, “We take one year of our retirement now while we are young and healthy enough to enjoy it and spend it traveling with our kids while they are still young enough to want to be with us.” (I ask you, how is that crazier than divorce and drugs?)

Life Break Coach- Identifying the Problem- Part 2

Does this sound like YOU? (read part 1)

After work, my daughter asked me to play a game with her and I automatically said no.  I didn't even consider it.  I had so many papers to grade and forms to fill out for my 101 students that I didn't even think about taking a break to play with my rapidly growing eight-year-old girl.  As she walked away, I could hear "The Cat's in the Cradle" playing on the radio in my head.  I actually liked that song when I was a kid- not a favorite now.  I wasn't some corporate, high-paid executive, jetting all over the world for power meetings, but I was missing my kids' childhoods just the same.  When I thought about it I realized I spent more time with other people's children than my own.  

My life exhausted me without fulfillment. I collapsed into bed each night bone-tired, but bored and unable to sleep.  My exhaustion made me cranky and in constant need of a nap.  More and more, I worried that there was something physically wrong with me.  When I spoke with friends about this, they all said they felt the same way and added, “But hey, what are ya gonna do?”  How did we get into this competitive American marathon of running non-stop from our mid-twenties to our mid-sixties?  If I were this tired in my forties, how would I ever enjoy retirement life?

I started fantasizing about baking bread. (I know. My husband is a lucky man.)  While running through the mall to pick up a birthday present, I stopped in Williams-Sonoma and gravitated to a book on bread baking.  Thumbing the pages, I felt consumed with envy.  I was jealous of the author having the time to grow and feed a starter, work the dough, wait for the rise, and then, bake the bread. I put down the book with a sigh and glanced at my cellphone’s clock- Yep, late again. Something was really wrong when a person didn’t have time to dream.

I couldn't sleep or enjoy my husband and children because I had built an over-scheduled life that made me stressed and unhappy.  There had to be something better.  But at midlife, what choices did the dissatisfied have?

LOOK FOR MY NEXT POST:  Options

Funny You Should Ask...

A Beautiful Memory on Loch Ness

Recently, I ran into an old friend while waiting on a prescription at Walgreen's.  I hadn't seen her in years.  She moved to Florida after college and we lost touch.  Casually catching up with each other, I discovered she went on to receive her MBA and worked in sales for many years before choosing to stay at home with her two children.  I asked her if she missed the business world and she replied, "I miss the traveling.  I miss the excitement of waking up some place new and planning my day around places I wanted to see.  You just can't do that with kids.  Do you like to travel?"

"Funny, you should ask..."  and then I told her of our travel year that seems like a dream as we again run from school to dance to baseball.  And like a dream, I find myself searching my mind to retrieve specific images as I try to remember each place we visited.  I realize as I play this memory game there are many people and places that I never got around to sharing on this blog.  Many of the things that happened to us I am only just beginning to process.  (Confession time- I am working on writing a book about our adventures.  Turns out it helps the writing process greatly if you can vividly remember what happened. Who knew?)

So to aid the writing and memory process, I will be sharing some yet undisclosed anecdotes from our family field trip year and my thoughts on the transformative power one year can hold.  Writing process aside- like my friend said, "I miss the traveling."  For now, I'll have to settle for a trip down memory lane.

Stay tuned...

The Redneck Way of Life

Prior to the Twentieth Century, families' travel accommodations were with friends and family.  Consequently, vacations were always social affairs.  Families on holiday headed to their relatives' homes and stayed for days to eat, drink and be merry at their cousins' expense, which was okay because the cousin would vacation at the other's home soon enough.  Visits were paid regularly.  In England, most upperclass folks weekended at ancestral estates or if their family's money had dried up, they made sure to befriend those still in the black.  Most English travelers only stayed in hotels when going abroad or outside the country.  Nothing was thought of extending invitations to overnight guests.

In this day and age, at least in America, you're lucky to get invited inside someone's home for a cup of coffee or glass of wine, much less dinner; overnight guests are unheard of.  As women joined the workforce and more homes became single parent establishments-juggling many responsibilities, families get home and collapse.  The last thing on their mind is entertaining guests.  Which is why it has been so enlightening and refreshing to have stayed in other people's homes for two weeks.

Wyatt and Clay in a "friendly" game of tether ball.

After hosting the Reece family to a weekend party on Fripp Island in May, they returned the invitation by welcoming us into their 1820's historic home in Lexington, Georgia for the Fourth of July holiday.  It felt like we had traveled back to an earlier time when people sipped tea on front porches while lazily discussing the weather.  [Remember when people entertained for entertainment instead of sitting in front of the television?  Home entertainment should refer to talking, laughing and generally enjoying the company of friends and family, not a system of electronics.  Okay, I'll get off my soapbox now.]

We spent three restful days cooking, conversing and commiserating about kids and jobs (or the lack there of...) with Greg Reece (aka Redneck GReece) and his lovely wife, Evelyn, while the kids chased dogs or played tetherball.   As good guests, we brought the fixings for our first evening meal since Redneck and Evelyn had worked all the day we arrived.  Fresh Atlantic shrimp, corn, potatoes and andouille sausage brought the low country a little inland.  We had been craving this in Scotland so we got our foodie fix and played good guests at the same time.

Historic Lexington, Georgia is the county seat of Oglethorpe County and takes about five minutes to see by car; it is not a big town.  Luckily, we had the time to walk around and meet some of the fine folks who live there.  One lady who owns and operates a quaint consignment and antiques shop in downtown Lexington has rejuvenated this small town by bringing together musicians and farmers at an evening Farmer's Market and jam session.  The two Gregs ventured down to check out the music and purchased some grass-fed beef for our Fourth of July cookout.  Evelyn and I took a turn through the next door cemetery of the oldest Presbyterian church in North Georgia.  The graveyard had many beautiful monuments including the grave sites of two former Georgia governors.  Walking through, I recognized many county names among the dead: Lumpkin, Hall, and Cobb.  Across from the church was the first Presbyterian seminary in Georgia founded in the early 1800s.  Thanks to the work of people like the Reeces, historic buildings have been saved in this tiny neck of the woods.

Georgia Peach Sangria

We spent the Fourth of July in All-American splendor: eating, drinking and being merry. The guys grilled while the girls mixed peach sangrias.  The kids played games and ate themselves sick.  That evening, we all enjoyed Evelyn's homemade pimento cheese and chicken salad sandwiches as we watched the spectacular display of dueling fireworks from the city of Athens and the Athens Country Club.  Competition was alive and well in Clarke County.

Redneck at Work

Our third and final night (remembering Ben's adage) was spent separate once more.  Redneck was recording a new album and asked for my Greg to join in.  At Rick Fowler's Studio, the boys were joined by the musical talents of Glenn Reece (Redneck and Evelyn's son) on drums, Greg Veale (founding member of the Normaltown Flyers) on bass, and Rick Fowler (Fortnox and the Rick Fowler Band guitarist) on lead guitar.  My Greg played piano and some percussion by performing a crucial burp for the song, "The Y Chromosome." I'm not sure where Greg's burping came in, but rest assured, he nailed it.  Redneck's tongue-in-cheek Americana musical style was captured perfectly in his new original song honoring baseball fans, "He kissed her on the strikes, and She kissed him on the balls."  You'll have to buy the album to hear the rest.

While the musicians got creative, the ladies toured local historic spots.  Evelyn is the director of the Athens Welcome Center, which operates four historic homes in the Athens area.  She gave us a backstage tour of two of the lovely homes including the Athens Art Center.  I had the privilege of touring homes in Beaufort County, South Carolina with Evelyn in the spring and was amazed at how much fun it was to tour a home with a historic preservation expert.  She pointed out details I would have missed.  I loved combining old homes and learning history; it made the past come to life.  After our tours, we sat on her front porch swing during a wicked thunderstorm.  While the lightning raged, we enjoyed a little wine and gossip- two of Southern ladies' favorite things from way back.

I'm so thankful for this year in many ways and for many reasons, but the most memorable moments have been the ones we shared with friends.  Thank you, Reece Family, for sharing your Redneck way of life.

American Pride

After an amazing night of sleep in a real bed, our family loaded the family truckster with more boxes for our impending move home and left Fripp Island once again for our next stop: Redneck GReece's home in Lexington, Georgia where we would be spending the Fourth of July.  Driving the country roads of western South Carolina and eastern Georgia, we discussed our favorite things about America.    After living as expatriates for over a month, we had a new perspective on our country.  We understand why the United States of America has the largest number of immigrants- accounting for over twenty percent of all immigration in the world.  The USA has over three times more immigrants than the second highest, Russia, and over five times more than the UK.  America has been an immigrant's dream for hundreds of years and is still number one because it offers the best standard of living and career opportunities to its people, even newcomers.

To celebrate our nation's birthday, we created 

The Brooks Family's Top Ten Reasons to Live in America:

10.  Garbage Disposals

It may sound small, but these babies sure make cleaning up after three meals for a family of five easier.  (Not one place we stayed in the UK had one.)

9.  Diverse Environments

While the UK was beautiful, it does not offer the diverse climates and geography of America.  From the desolate deserts to the plentiful plains, and from the majestic mountains to the colorful coasts, America has diversity in spades.

8.  Convenience

You can get most anything you want at anytime in the US.  The reason America is the largest importing nation in the world is we sell more than any other nation.  We also sell it at anytime.  (It surprised us that most stores closed by 6 p.m. in the UK.)

7.  Standard of Living

We have a higher standard of living at a lower cost than many nations.  Ranked 7th in the 2010 Quality of Life Index, the US is touted for its diversity, affordability, convenience and efficiency. (Which I thought was pretty cool since we made our list before I researched this blog.)

6.  Music

The UK may have given us the Beatles, but WE gave the Beatles: Muddy Waters, Robert Johnson, Elvis Presley, Jerry Lee Lewis, Chuck Berry and Little Richard.  America birthed jazz, blues, gospel, country, rock-n-roll, rap, hip-hop and pop music.  I believe music is America's greatest export. 

5.  Disney World
Another great US export, there's a Disneyland in Tokyo, Paris, Hong Kong and a new one planned for Shanghai, but the "real deal" is on most travelers'  bucket lists.  Nothing compares to the original in California and the grandest of them all: the Walt Disney World Resort in Florida.  (We're actually considering moving to Florida because Georgia isn't close enough.)


4.  Opportunity
One of America's most famous immigrants, Albert Einstein, said, "All that is valuable in human society depends upon the opportunity for development accorded the individual."  He came to America seeking opportunities prohibited in Nazi Germany.  America thrives on its opportunity.  By combining ingenuity and hard work, an individual may achieve anything in America.  Rags to Riches stories are not just fairy tales in our country.

3.  Entertainment
Italy may know pleasure and India may be the more sensual, and Great Britain may have more literary brilliance, but nobody entertains like America.  From Hollywood to New York City, America cranks out movies, television, video games, youtube videos and computer apps faster and better than anyone.  Don't believe me?  Google it.


2. Creativity
United States citizens hold more international patents than any other nation.  We also hold the title for more independent inventors applying for patents.   These are facts I cling to as I worry about our nation's future.  As a teacher and parent, I believe our government is failing its people with its lack of proper support for public education.  With slashed budgets, our schools are in crisis and teachers and students are left to fend for themselves.  We have gone from a nation that churned out leaders to  one that settles for "meets standards."  There is nothing more thoroughly approved than mediocrity.

1.  Optimism
We are not a perfect nation (see above), but we strive to "form a more perfect union."  We never claim to get it all right.  From our founding documents, we have been instilled with optimism.  Thomas Jefferson stated it as fact in the Declaration of Independence that we are "created equal and endowed by our creator certain inalienable rights that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."  If that's not optimistic, I don't know what is.  Americans have a can-do attitude even in the worst of times.  After a crippling Depression, we faced the tyranny of Germany and Japan.  The British were magnificent as they implored their citizens to "Keep Calm and Carry On."  But we were more optimistic as we succinctly shouted, "We Can Do It!"  

I call it rationalizing, but I think it is my optimistic approach to life that gets me through each day.  I am excited about returning home after our miraculous year even though I am unemployed.  Thanks to more budget cuts in education, classroom sizes have increased (again) to a new high of 34 students to one teacher.  There are not enough teaching positions for the currently employed instructors yet alone one who quit to take a field trip year with her family.   "A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty." -Winston Churchill (British citizen, but American in spirit.)  Ever the optimist, I am looking at my joblessness as an opportunity to be creative and try my hand at a new occupation.  Thank Heaven, I live in the land of opportunity!

My copy of my new book just arrived.
Hopefully, I have more in me!